


As long as I'm with you I'm ok.

by mw4vt9



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-04 23:52:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18354305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mw4vt9/pseuds/mw4vt9
Summary: A bottle of wine and a compliment lead to a night Alex and Lena would have never dared to hope for.  When Lena wakes up to the reality of her life, to Kelly Olsen asking Alex out for drinks and a world where Alex doesn't know that she was working with Lex, she takes a step back.  When Alex comes to her, she has to admit it all, and sit on bated breath waiting for Alex to respond.





	As long as I'm with you I'm ok.

"What a day," Alex says as she turns, unceremoniously plopping down on the sofa, her wine in her glass dangerously sloshing from side to side.

"You don't say," Lena teases, holding her own glass.

Lena had been surprised when Alex asked her over for a drink, but after everything that happened over the last few days, Lena felt like she deserved it, they both did.  The bonus was potentially getting a chance to tell Alex the truth, to make sure she knew that it was all Lena's fault.  She knew the risk, knew that Alex would likely storm out and never speak to her again, but lying to her just wasn't an option either.  It would be painful to watch the look of realization on Alex's face, the look that said she'd been wrong about Lena all along, but it was better than keeping up with the charade, better than waiting for the foot to drop.

"What's in the bag?" Alex asks, head inclining towards the paper bag on the table.

"You said wine," Lena gestures, "so I got three bottles."

"Less talking then, more drinking," Alex says, downing the rest of her wine glass like a college student chugging a beer.

It's easy, it's so unbelievably easy to get lost in sitting here and laughing with Alex, listening to her tell stories about Kara, and gesture so broadly that she almost knocks Lena's wine glass over more than once.  Lena's not quite sure how she never saw it, how she never noticed how fierce everything about Alex Danvers was.  She watches Alex raise her arm over her head to accentuate her point, her shirt rising just slightly, revealing just a small glimpse of the toned and scarred midsection underneath.  There is so much there for Lena to unpack.  Alex is strong, brave, reckless, and self destructive; fiercely protective, loyal, and sometimes a complete hot head.  But right now she's telling a story about a little kid at a coffee shop who stopped her because she wanted to be an FBI agent just like her, and Lena's heart swells in her chest at the smile on Alex's face.

"How do you do that?" Lena asks.

"Do what?" Alex asks as she reaches to pour the last drop of their second bottle into her glass.

"Stay so positive.  You've been through so much," half of which Lena doesn't even know about, "but you still take the time to talk to little kids, and it looks like it makes you happier than them."

Alex shrugs like it's nothing at first before she turns to Lena.  "It's the same reason you own the children's hospital."

"How?"

"You wanted to make sure those children had the resources they needed so you own the hospital.  I want to make sure that little kid that came to talk to me is happy and healthy and believes in herself.  You are doing the exact same thing I am, just a different scale."

Lena only tears up a little bit at the words from Alex.  Alex who trusts her, who sees the struggles underneath, and helps carry her through it.  The doubt swirls in her head with the thought, knowing that when she tells Alex she was working with Lex it'll all come crashing down on her.  Just like she always does, Alex seems to know exactly what to say.

"You're beautiful," Alex says, so softly that if Lena wasn't looking right at her, she'd wonder if she had even said anything at all.

Alex sets her wine glass down, Lena mirroring it.

"I mean it," Alex says.  "I mean objectively I've always know it, but the more I get to know you, the more I just, I see it."

It's quiet then, the sound of the air conditioner the only thing making any sound at all.

Lena knows what is coming, knows she should stop it, but she lets herself indulge in Alex's lips pressed against her own, lets herself get wrapped up in the strong arms that pull her closer, lets herself get lost for just a little while in what kissing Alex Danvers feels like, in what being held by Alex Danvers feels like.

When they finally pull apart, Alex is smiling like she's awe struck.  There's a reason, somewhere in the back of Lena's mind, that she shouldn't let Alex do this, that she doesn't deserve to be looked at like that.  Lena can't find it, can't even get to the thought as Alex leans in to kiss her again.

Kissing Alex isn't any different than Lena imagined it would be. Alex is soft but firm, strong hands gripping Lena to pull her close, soft lips sliding against her own.  Alex is tentative and bold, both commanding the kiss and responding to the small cues that Lena gives.

When they pull back again, Alex bursts into giggles, body shaking over it, so close to Lena's body that all she'd have to do was tilt her head to kiss her again.

"Why are you laughing?" Lena asks.  She knows she couldn't stop the smile on her face in that moment if she wanted to.

"Winn was talking about how brilliant and pretty you are once.  I bet him 50 bucks that I could get with you before he did.  I was sort of kidding when I said it because I'd just come out and then Maggie and well you know," Alex pauses for a long time, just looking at Lena.  "Can you invent a device that I can contact him in the future to make sure he knows that I need my money?"

Lena can't help but laugh at that, mind wondering for just a second to what would be different if it had been Lena that had helped Alex come out instead of Maggie.

"I would like to make a new proposition for tonight," Alex says.  "We finish that bottle of wine," she points to the last bottle on the table, "and make out."

"Does it have to be in that order?" Lena teases.

"Drink, kiss, drink, kiss," Alex says, grinning a carefree smile, never showing the burden underneath.  To illustrate her point, she takes a sip of wine and immediate turns to give Lena a sweet kiss.

There's a conversation about why they shouldn't do this, a secret resting at the tip of Lena's tongue that should stop her, but Lena can't really think of it in that moment.  Instead, she just giggles at Alex's antics, deciding if this small moment is all she gets, she'll take it.

It's different to drink more with Alex after the kiss, with Alex's arm draped around her shoulder, with Alex leaning in to kiss her every few seconds.  It's different but the transition is barely noticeable.  Alex doesn't think twice about resting her hand on Lena's knee, doesn't think twice about kissing Lena's lips or cheek or forehead when she is close enough to do so, doesn't hesitate to wrap her in her arms.  And Lena is drunk on it, drunk on wine and drunk on Alex, and she's sure that she'll probably never feel like this again

Alex is dramatic in the way she holds the wine bottle upside down, watching the last drop drip into Lena's wine glass, shaking it to be sure that the last drop is out.  Alex doesn't even hand Lena the glass, just downs the last sip before she sits the glass down on the table next to the one she'd been drinking out of that entire time.  

"I'm going to say something," Alex says, words a little slurred, "we can't have sex."

Lena looks at Alex curiously.  "I don't want to be drunk when we do that."

The seriousness settles over them for just a second before Lena smiles at her.  "Just kiss me you idiot."

Alex does, pulls Lena into her, kissing her with everything she has, the taste of wine mixing with the taste of Lena's lipstick smearing across Alex's lips.  Alex sways as she stands, pulling Lena with her.  It's awkward to stumble towards the stairs, leaving them giggling more than actually kissing until Alex finally gets them up the two steps, both collapsing onto the bed.

"Want some PJs?" Alex asks when she notices that they're both still wearing work attire.

"Sure," Lena smiles at Alex because she still can't quiet believe this is happening.  She watches Alex stand, quickly kicking off her jeans to replace them with a pair of basketball shorts.  She turns away from Lean to take her shirt off, quickly pulling her sports bra off to replace it with a baggy t-shirt.  And Lena tries as hard as she can not to watch Alex's back muscles flex, not to memorize the scar that runs across Alex's back.

Alex moves to her closet before she tosses Lena a large t-shirt, plenty big enough to cover her completely, as well as a pair of pajama pants.

"Would you be terribly offended if I didn't wear the pants?" Lena asks, blushing.  "I don't usually sleep in pants."

Alex laughs again, a full fit of giggles before she looks back at Lena.  "The literal hottest woman on the planet is asking me if she can sleep without pants on in my bed, and all I can think about is how excited I am to cuddle."

Lena softens then, taking the shirt from Alex to head to the bathroom before she does something stupid like tell Alex exactly how she is feeling in that moment.

Alex is already under the covers when Lena walks out of the bathroom, hair down and make up clean from her face as much as she could get it without her typical make up remover.  Alex lifts the covers, watching Lena as she slides into them.  Lena isn't sure she has ever felt so warm when the covers rest down on her, when Alex wraps her arm around her to full her closer.

The kiss Alex gives her is soft and gentle and sweet and full of promise.  If there is anything that Lena knows best, it's that stuff that feels like this never lasts.

__

Lena wakes up in the morning to the sound of a repetitive buzzing.  She reaches out without opening her eyes, grabbing her phone to pull it towards her.  She cracks one eye open as she clicks on the message, taking a minute for her eyes to adjust to the screen.  When she sees it, she knows it isn't her phone in her hand, but instead belongs to the woman currently cuddled into her back.

And Lena knows she shouldn't read it, but she can't help but click on the message from her ex-boyfriend's sister.  She reads, "Hey Alex.  I'm going to stay in town for a little while.  Want to grab a drink tonight?"

It makes sense.  Of course it does.  Anyone with eyes would be attracted to Alex, anyone watching the affection she displayed for James just earlier that day would want to know more about her.  The self doubt creeps in immediately, the secret that Lena holds weighing heavy on her chest.  Because Kelly Olsen doesn't have any secrets, just a beautiful girl that is equally as lovely from what Lena knows.  It hurts her to do it, but she slides out of bed, quietly.  As she gathers her clothes, she looks at Alex, watches how peaceful she looks, how she holds the pillow in Lena's place.

Lena's quiet as she slips her clothes back on, quiet as she crosses the apartment, and heartbroken when she slowly lets the door click shut behind her.

__

Alex is surprised when she wakes up to an empty bed, the shirt Lena had slept in lying on the bed next to her.  She's sure Lena must have had work to do which is why she left, but it doesn't make the sting less.  Alex grabs her phone, stretching her arms out as she does, feeling her back crack from how long she had been lying in bed.  She sees the text from Kelly, quickly responds that she'd love to, before she hovers over Lena's name.

_Lena, it's Saturday.  You could have stayed in bed._

Alex waits for a response but doesn't get one.  She lets the phone fall to her chest, lying their thinking about what happened the night before.  She almost throws the phone across the room when it vibrates.  She expects Lena, but it's Kelly asking if Alex wants to meet her at Sky Bar later that night.  Alex agrees, knowing that having another friend wouldn't hurt, and she is absolutely sure Kelly needs someone in National City to talk to about everything that has been going on with James.  She sets her phone back down before getting out of bed.  She makes a mental list: run, shower, grocery store, meet Kelly.  She checks her phone one final time, wondering if what happened between her and Lena hadn't meant nearly as much to the CEO as it meant to Alex.

__

It's crazy how much Alex and Kelly have in common.  One of them is obvious.  Alex has a sister with superpowers.  Now, after the Harun-El used to save him, Kelly has a brother with superpowers.  Alex has a sister that gets lost in the fight for justice, to the point of recklessness.  Alex knows that Kelly has the same in James.  It's easy to settle into talking about all of the things they've done, all of the danger they'd put themselves in for one reason or another.  It's easy to talk about the worry they feel and tell stories about James and Kara as children, both Alex and Kelly taking their sibling duties very seriously.  Alex is surprised to learn that Kelly had wanted James and Kara to end up together, making multiple comments about how she wanted to meet Lena before the two had broken up, those words causing Alex to blush and quickly glance at her phone to see if the woman had ever texted her back.  And most surprising of all, Alex finds out that Kelly's ex, Taylor, is a girl named Taylor and not a guy named Taylor, and Alex can't quite believe that she was fumbling around in loneliness when James had a smart, beautiful, and gay sister.  That thought process ends quickly though with the thought of Lena, the feel of her lips on Alex's, how secure she felt with the CEO wrapped in her arms.  It's fun to have drinks with Kelly, fun to bond with someone who understands what it's like to be a woman that likes women and be someone who understands how demanding being the sister of a hero can be.  As they're walking to Alex's car, Alex can't help but hope they do it again.  Until she sees the look in Kelly's eye, until Alex is stepping back just as she leans forward.

"I uh," Alex stumbles as Kelly pulls back.

"No, Alex, I'm so sorry," Kelly says, shaking her head.  "We just met, and I'm already making moves."

"It's not you," Alex reassures her quickly.  "You're great.  I truly hope we can be friends, but..." Alex trails off because she doesn't know what to say.  But I'm with someone isn't right, but I like someone is sort of right but might make Kelly ask who and Alex knows she doesn't want to go there.

"Friends?" Kelly ask, smiling at Alex.  And of course there is a girl standing in front of Alex who likes her, who Alex absolutely likes, who is smart and nice and gorgeous, and of course this happens to happen the day after Alex realizes exactly what she has been feeling for Lena.

"Yeah, I'd like that," Alex says.  She accepts the hug, happy that this went the way it did.

__

When Alex gets in the car, she thinks about texting Lena before she stops, caught between wanting to give Lena space and wanting to see her.  Alex's curiosity wins, and she finds herself driving to Lena's house.  She thinks twice before knocking but decides she's going to go through with it anyway, placing a quick knock on the door.  She half expects no one to answer the door, but she hears the unmistakable sound of footsteps coming closer to the door.

Lena looks surprised to see her, and it takes Alex only seconds to notice that her eyes are just a little puffy, the drying tear tracks on her cheeks visible where they'd washed off her make up.

"Are you ok?" Alex asks, looking at Lena, looking around the room for any indication of what could have happened to her.

"Why are you here?" Lena asks, surprising Alex even more.

"I was pretty bummed that you weren't there when I woke up this morning, and I just wanted to check and make sure you were ok," Alex answers, suddenly certain that she shouldn't have come here.  Clearly, Lena doesn't want her there.

Lena opens her mouth to speak before she stops, wordlessly stepping to the side to let Alex into her apartment.

"I need to tell you something," Lena says.  She waits for Alex to sit down and joins her.  She'd been rehearsing the words all day, but they die on her tongue when she sees the hopeful expression on Alex's face because it'll be the last time Alex looks at her like this, it'll be the last time any possibility between them is there.

"I was working with Lex," Lena finally gets out.  She can't look at Alex, doesn't want to see the look on her face until she feels Alex's fingers on her cheek.  Alex lifts her chin until she's looking at her.

Alex gives her a questioning look, convincing Lena to continue.  "I couldn't figure out the Harun-El on my own, and I thought he was dying.  He pushed me to find the cure.  I gave it to James, and Alex, I," Lena pauses, choking back a sob, "I was going to give it to him too."

"But Eve did?" Alex asks.

"She did," Lena answers, looking down again, afraid of what she'll see in Alex's eyes.

"And you thought I'd be upset about it?" Alex asks, surprising Lena completely.

"It's my fault he's out.  Anyone he kills is my fault," Lena says, tears gathering in her eyes.

"Lena," Alex says, wrapping Lena up, pulling her tight into her.  "You think I'm going to be mad at you for saving your brother's life?"

"When my brother is a murderer who is targeting your sister, I'd say so," Lena says.  She feels too emotional over all of this, surprised by Alex's reaction.

"Let me be clear about something," Alex begins, "it doesn't matter at all to me what Kara does in the future.  She is still my sister.  If she had cancer and I could cure it, I would not hesitate, no questions asked."

"But you would Alex.  You'd take all of the precautions.  Lex complemented me.  He knew exactly what to say, and I fell for it like I always do," Lena says, fresh tears on her face.

"Because you're a good person," Alex says, "because you see the good in people no matter how awful they've been.  Because at the end of the day, he is your brother, and you love him.  I'd never fault you for that."

Lena isn't sure how to react, isn't sure what to do or say or how to feel.  "He is going to kill people," Lena finally says.

"And that isn't your fault.  You can't control his actions.  One thing that is absolutely certain is that he would have found a way out with or without you."  Alex pauses for a long time, just looking at Lena, running her thumb over Lena's palm.  "You saved James.  You can't forget that."

The tears are streaming down Lena's face, and she feels too emotional to think about it too much before it overwhelms her.

"I've got you," Alex says, breaking that final straw that has Lena falling into her, letting Alex wrap her up in strong arms, and Lena cries, more tears than she has cried in a long time.

"We are going to catch Lex, and it is going to be alright.  I promise," Alex says in a hushed tone, rocking Lena in her arms.

"You can't possibly know that," Lena gets out through her cries.

"Oh, I do know it," Alex says, placing a kiss to her forehead.  "I will find him, and I will make this right."

Lena knows, without question, that Alex means it, that Alex would go to the end of the earth for her if she had to.

So Lena kisses her because that's really all she can do to tell her exactly how much it means.  As Alex kisses her back, Lena knows, without hesitation, that everything is going to be just fine.


End file.
